


Shedding This Skin

by Gin_IchimaruAwesome



Category: Star Trek: Deep Space Nine
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Episode: s03e05 Second Skin, Episode: s03e18 Distant Voices, F/M, M/M, Memory Loss, Obsidian Order
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-11
Updated: 2019-01-11
Packaged: 2019-10-08 07:28:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,883
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17382281
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gin_IchimaruAwesome/pseuds/Gin_IchimaruAwesome
Summary: That Lethean attack changed everything for Julian, unlocking memories that had been buried deep in his mind."“You want me to open the door?” A nod from the man “How am I supposed to open it when it has all those chains on it?” He stated, not really expecting an answer. The man didn’t supply him with an answer, just standing there with a smile. Shaking his head, Julian walked up to the door, looking it up and down; the chains and itself were both made out of metal but neither seemingly were attached to anything. "





	1. Quarks

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If I have any spelling errors, please let me know

Staring at his computer screen, Julian’s mind went back to just a few days ago. He tapped his pointer finger lightly against the keys, thinking about the Lethean and the coma. It had been such a strange experience, seeing the station like that. The way everyone had acted was still getting to him, despite knowing that it was all just from his head. Not to mention… that strange door. Everything he saw represented something but when he'd come across this door, dark and chained, he hasn't been sure what it meant. It didn't help that he'd kept coming across it nearly everywhere he went.

Pursing his lips, Julian leaned back in his chair and sighed out of his nose. When telling people about his time in the coma, everytime so far, he hasn't been able to mention the door. His mouth would shut instinctively and he couldn't will up the words. Julian tilted his head and picked up a pen to twirl between his fingers. Nothing immediately came to mind as to what could be locked up behind that door; there were no lapses in his memory. With his genetic enhancements, he remembered _everything_ and it wouldn't be hard to put together if something was missing.

Squeezing his eyes shut, he roughly scrubbed at his face before looking at the time. Julian gasped, it was 10 minutes past when he was supposed to meet Garak for lunch at Quark’s. Standing up abruptly, Julian wobbled on his feet as a wave of dizziness hit him and he steadied himself on his desk. Blinking, he let out a shaky breath and muttered to himself.

“What the hell… ?” The dizzy spell disappeared soon after, making his eyebrows furrow. Looking at the time again, he decided to check himself with the scanner after lunch; he was probably working too much.

Julian rushed out of the infirmary and was glad that Quark’s was only right across the promenade and that he wasn't running halfway across the station. A voice caught his attention as he moved in further.

“Doctor, up here!” Turning his head up, Julian saw Garak leaning partially over the railing with a none too pleased look. Taking two steps at a time, Julian quickly made it to the second floor and maneuvered his way through the crowd to Garak's table. He flashed the Cardassian an apologetic look as he set down; Garak did not look happy. Julian wasn't even fully sat down before Garak started to lecture him.

“You've kept me waiting nearly 15 minutes! Is this what the Federation teaches at their academy, how to be late?” Garak grumbled out the last part, crossing his arms over his chest. Wincing, Julian dragged a hand through his hair.

“I'm sorry, Garak, the time got away from me and I came as soon as I realized.” Julian has been off all day, just generally feeling bad and then the dizzy spell in his office. Garak raised both eye ridges, indignation coming onto his face and he unfolded his arms to point at Julian.

“Why Doctor, if I knew our lunches meant that little to you, I should have just left!” Hastily, Garak crossed his arms and turned his whole body away from Julian. Words stumbled out of his mouth while he waved his hands helplessly.

“G-garak! Well- I--!” Garak spoke over him, glancing in his direction.

“The only way you can ever make this up to me is to finally _admit_ that you'd be a terrible spy! Those holosuite programs are filling your head with lies!” A smile grew on Garak's face as he spoke, playfulness on the edge of his words. Julian to felt a smile and let his head dip as a few chuckles escaped.

“I think I would make a fantastic spy, I'll have you know!” Julian said, hand on his chest. Garak rolled his eyes, sighing dramatically.

“I see now those programs have done more damage to your ego than I originally thought, my dear Doctor.” Julian laughed and felt very good to be bickering with Garak, feeling very right in this moment. It was only disrupted when Quark walked over, his normal smirk on his face.

“Well, what can I get you gentlemen? Perhaps a Kanar and a Samarian Sunset?” Quark looked between the two, his thick brow raised slightly. Garak was the first to speak, his voice light and a pleasant tone.

“I would love some Sem’hal stew with a glass of Kanar, if you would.” Garak smiled and looked towards Julian.

“An Altair sandwich would be lovely,” he tilted his head slightly thinking “I suppose I'll try out Kanar again.” He ended with a smile while Garak gave him an incredulous look. Quark walked away quickly, voice pumping up other patrons as he went. Garak leaned in, voice slow and a curiosity in his eye.

“Why my dear Doctor, I thought you hated Kanar-- compared it too sludge even.” Blushing, Julian looked over the crowd playing dabo downstairs.

“Decided to give it another try,” He glanced back at Garak “Sometimes things are better the second time around.” Scoffing, Garak leaned back and shook his head.

“How idealistic of you Doctor, but I remember how vehemently you disliked Kanar.” Julian remembered as well but when he heard Quark suggest the drink, something in his stomach decided that's what he wanted. He turned his head away from Garak to look at the crowd again, flicking his nails together in thought. Not long after, a waiter brought their food over and was gone as soon as the plates touched the table. Garak hummed under his breath when he took in a breath of the stew, picking up his utensils. Julian himself nearly hummed as well when he smelled the stew, it was simply heavenly. His eyes flickered to the Kanar and he reached out, grabbing it. He brought it up to his mouth before hesitating slightly, what if it was just as bad as he remembered? Julian tilted the glass back and felt the thick liquid slide down his throat. His eyes nearly fluttered shut as he tasted the thick liquid; it was so much better than he remembered.

The cup was a little more than half empty when he set it down, lips smacking as he enjoyed the lingering taste. He almost didn't notice the look Garak was giving him.

Almost.

It was a mix between surprise and confusion as he looked between the Doctor and the cup while he waited for a response. Julian kept a smile to himself at proving Garak wrong and took a bite of his sandwich despite he knew that Garak was waiting to hear what he thought.

“Well, Doctor?” He stated with a huff “Realized you hated it and now you’re too embarrassed to admit it?” Garak said, expectant look on his face. Shrugging, Julian looked at his friend and picked up his cup again.

“I hate to prove you wrong Garak,” Garak let out a small hiss “But, I like it.” He finished it by taking another sip of the Kanar, taking a smaller drink this time. Shaking his head, Garak looked at him with disbelief.

“And how do I know that you’re not just drinking it to spite me, Doctor? I know you’d love to finally be right about something.” Garak cocked his head to the side, brow raised.

“Fine then, watch this.” Julian tilted his head back and help his cup of Kanar up, letting the thick liquid fall onto his tongue. He finished off his cup, licking the extra from the corner of his lips while raising an eyebrow at Garak. The man just shook his head in frustration and went back to eating his stew while Julian chuckled to himself.

After taking a bite of his sandwich, Julian leaned back in his chair and looked back onto the crowd on the first floor. He watched them get excited as the dabo table spun, hoping for a win. His eyes flicked over the crowd before he froze in surprise, staring down at a single person; a Cardassian man that was looking up at him.

“Ah, Garak, did a Cardassian ship dock at the station?” Garak didn’t lift his head as he kept eating, relaxed.

“No, the last Cardassian ship that was stopped here was several months ago,” Garak's eyes glanced up “Why?” Julian lifted a hand and pointed a finger at the mysterious Cardassian, not taking his eyes off of him. Out of his peripheral, he saw Garak lean over to look into the crowd before looking at Julian with a furrowed brow.

“Doctor, I’m afraid I don’t see who you’re talking about?” Garak said slowly with confusion. Huffing, Julian waved his hand at the crowd again.

“He’s not even moving, just standing next to the bar and looking up at us.” His voice came out quickly, frustration in his voice. Garak once again looked out into the crowd but turned his head back again.

“I don’t see him, Doctor. Are you sure he’s a Cardassian?” Garak asked curiously, head tilting to the side. A pain was settling in the back of Julian’s head, making him even more irritable. Pushing his chair back, Julian set his hand on the railing and pushed his food away.

“I’m going to see what he wants.” Julian ground out and despite Garak's protests, stood up to make his way downstairs. Though, as soon as he stood up a wave of dizziness crashed into him, forcing him to tighten his hand on the railing. His stomach churned and he swayed heavily on his feet before he stumbled to rest against the railing.

“Doctor!” Garak stood up as well, reaching a hand out to touch his shoulder “Are you alright?” The words barely reached Julian's ears, sounding as if they were underwater and he swayed even more. His vision swam before his eyes but the man on the first floor didn’t change despite everything else blurring. His throat clenched as his mind supplied what he was.

“Ga-Garak, I think I’m hallucinating…” Julian ground out and he saw the hallucination smile, its voice reaching his ears clearly.

_“Are you ready for the procedure?”_ The hallucination rested his hands behind his back, head tilting. _“You won’t feel a thing, it’ll be over before you know it…”_ Julian's vision grew darker around the edges and he felt his legs get weak. He started tilting forward and as his vision grew darker, felt himself fall over the edge of the railing.


	2. A Short Fall

Garak sucked in a breath of air as he saw Julian start to fall over the edge before shoving their table out of the way and latching onto one of Julian’s legs before it was out of reach. Julian’s weight nearly pulled him over the railing as well, but instead it forced him to be bent over at an awkward angle, the metal digging into his stomach painfully and nearly forced all the air of his lungs. The crowd below and on the second floor shouted, a few screamed when Julian fell over but Garak was barely paying attention to them. He felt hands on his shoulders and someone was leaning over the railing to help hold onto Julian. A few people gathered under to catch the Doctor, both Starfleet and Bajoran. He saw Odo forcing his way through the crowd, joining the few under Julian, and lifted his hands up. They turned transparent and then to liquid, stretching up and wrapping around Julian. Garak felt the weight lessen, letting him breath better. Odo’s gravely voice sounded over the quiet bar.

“Let go slowly, we’ll catch him down here.” The person next to him released Julian’s leg slowly, pulling away. Garak swallowed thickly before also relaxing his grasp, feeling the soft skin of Julian’s leg slip out of his hand. Odo and the others crowded together, catching the Doctor with ease. Garak watched for a moment, his breath coming out roughly, before he turned and rushed to make his way down to the first floor. As he turned, he noticed it was Chief O'Brien that had been helping him hold onto Julian and he nodded his thanks. 

He practically flew down the stairs, feeling his knees protest as he landed heavily on his feet. People parted out of his way as he made his way to Julian, who they had laid down on his back, and was pleased to see that two nurses were already there. Odo stopped him just a few feet short, blocking his path with a cold look. Out of his peripheral he jealously noticed that O’brian had been able to make his way to Julian.

“Just what exactly happened up there, Garak?” Odo spit out his name, arms crossing over his chests as he waited for an answer. Garak felt a growl build in his chest but he quieted it down before anyone could hear it. 

“I’m not sure, Constable. The Doctor was having lunch with me and the next thing I know,” He swept his hands through the air “He was falling over the edge. Now if you’ll excuse me, I would like to see if he is alright.” Garak took a step to the side and moved to get closer to Julian but was stopped again when Odo grabbed ahold of his arm. His head snapped to look at Odo, face scrunching up in anger, but before he had a chance to do anything else Major Kira and Commander Sisko approached with severe looks on their faces. 

“Constable, why is my Chief Medical Officer laying on the floor, incapacitated.” Sisko stated, eyes locking onto Garak while the Major crossed her arms, standing next to Sisko. Odo grumbled, keeping his hold firm. 

“Mr. Garak here says Dr. Bashir just fell over the edge.” He ended with a scoff and a roll of the eyes. Sisko crossed his arms, tilting his head at Garak.

“Well?” Garak’s nose crinkled and he pulled his arms free of Odo’s hold before straightening out his shirt. He ran a hand through his black hair to push it all back into place and spoke as he did this.

“The Doctor and I were eating lunch when he said he saw a Cardassian man standing on the first floor,” He let his arms fall to his side and let his face become more neutral as he spoke; no need to let them see his weakness “This seemed to upset him and when he got up to confront the Cardassian, the Doctor began to sway on his feet and,” He sighed quietly, eyes flickering past the Major to look at Julian before looking back at the Commander “and seemed to lose consciousness which caused him to fall over the edge.” Commander Sisko looked at the crowd that had been moved away from the scene and turned to Odo.

“Any sign of this Cardassian?” Sisko said, voice hard. Garak chuckled and let a smile slide over his face, letting his tone sound light and pleasant.

“I’m not sure you’ll have much luck finding the man, Commander.” Kira glared at Garak when he said this, letting her head fall to the side.

“And just why is that? You know who the Cardassian is?” She said, causing Odo and Sisko to look at him for an explanation. Garak placed a hand over his chest, eyes glancing between the three.

“Well you see, Commander, when the good Doctor was about to pass out, I believe he said something about hallucinating.  Not to mention, he tried to get me to see the man in the crowd; I was unable to, and not to boast but I think I could spot a member of my own species.” Sisko hummed and moved his hand to his chin, tapping his finger. They turned to look when the nurses started to move Julian towards the Infirmary and they moved to follow; Odo made sure to stand behind Garak so that he made his way to the infirmary. 

“Hallucination? Is this from the Lethean attack? Is it still affecting him?” Sisko posed the questions, asking no one in particular. Major Kira was the one to respond, shaking her head slightly.

“It has to be, there isn’t anything else that could have possibly made him hallucinate and collapse.” They moved to a more secluded part of the Infirmary, speculating as they walked

“But Lethean attacks don’t normally cause hallucinations, Major.” Odo supplied, crossing his arms behind his back. 

“They normally cause death, Constable. People don’t normally get the chance to experience any side effects from the attacks.” Garak corrected, ignoring the glare directed by Odo. Sisko sighed, looking towards Odo and Kira.

“We’ll need to check everything else out, make sure that this wasn’t foul play. Constable, check out Quark’s food and make sure it wasn’t something he had. Major, check the records to see if there really wasn’t a Cardassian aboard the station. Garak, answer any questions Odo has for you.” Sisko looked at all of them “Other than that, we’ll have to wait and hope he gets better.” With that, Sisko moved out of the room while Kira took a moment to nod towards Odo before following behind. With a smile, Odo turned to look at Garak who in turn just sighed in aggravation. 


	3. Resurfaced Memories

The sensation of floating was the only thing Julian felt. He felt… disconnected from his body, like his hands and feet were miles away. Julian's eyes fluttered open and the only thing he saw was darkness around him. The floor felt hard under him and he realized he was laying on his back. Slowly and disjointedly he sat up, squinting at the area around him. There didn't seem to be anything around except for the void. Twisting around he looked behind himself but everything was the same. Climbing up onto his feet, He decided there was nothing to lose by looking around. 

He wondered around, nothing changing the farther he went. It almost felt like he did when he was in the coma, he realized. His feet stalled as he thought about it; was he in another coma? Why? He’d just been having lunch with Garak when he noticed that Cardassian standing there. Julian clenched his jaw and set a hand on his head, who was he and why was he hallucinating about him?  

An odd feeling passed through him, making his shoulders tense up. Shuffling and breathing; Julian stood still as he heard these new sounds from behind himself. Slowly, he turned his body to see what-- who was behind him. His lips parted as a door, tall and foreboding, came into view and then next the man; it was the same Cardassian as before. The man stood there with a smile and his arms crossed behind his back, staring directly at Julian. Now that he was closer, he could see the man’s half lidded eyes and thin face, seemingly relaxed. Approaching slowly, Julian held out a hand and waved it in front of the man’s face to see if he’d have a reaction. As his hand passed near the Cardassian’s face, it caused the man to take a step back and train his eyes onto Julian. 

“Are you ready for the procedure?” The man said, lips curling up as he tilted his head at Julian. Squinting his eyes, Julian shook his head slowly.

“I-- What procedure?” He questioned, hoping for a response. The Cardassian raised an eye ridge and motioned to the chained door. 

“You won’t feel a thing, it’ll be over before you know it.” Was the only response Julian was given, making him tighten his lips into a thin line. The man kept staring at Julian, hand still pointed at the door. Huffing in aggravation, Julian also waved towards the door.

“You want me to open the door?” A nod from the man “How am I supposed to open it when it has all those chains on it?” He stated, not really expecting an answer. The man didn’t supply him with an answer, just standing there with a smile. Shaking his head, Julian walked up to the door, looking it up and down; the chains and itself were both made out of metal but neither seemingly were attached to anything. Taking slow steps, he walked to the corner of the door and peaked around it but was disappointed to see that it was the same on the other side. Pulling back, he reached a hand out to touch the chains, the cold seeping into his hand. He tugged on the chains softly at first before increasing his strength when they resisted. His muscles strained painfully as he pulled harder, hoping that with his unrestricted strength they’d just break or have on of the links bend enough for him to undo it. The hard metal didn’t budge and Julian was left panting, leaning over to rest his hands against his knees. Turning his head towards the man, his eyes wandered over his body. Light reflected off of something peeking out from under the man’s clothes, causing Julian to squint his eyes. Standing up, he walked over the the Cardassian, reaching a careful hand under the man’s clothes but smiled when he grabbed what was indeed a phaser. Wrapping his fingers around the cool metal, he pulled it free and inspected it; standard Cardassian design but smaller, obviously meant to be hidden like it was. Stepping back, he pointed the weapon towards the door, hoping that it would work. Pressing the trigger, he was pleased to see the light shoot from the weapon and onto the chains, melting the metal slowly. The chain turned red, sagging slightly before splitting and falling to the floor with a click.

He was breathing heavier, Julian realized belatedly as he walked towards the door. Reaching a hand out, he hovered near the door and swallowed thickly. Just what was beyond it? Clenching his jaw, he moved forward and pressed his hand against the metal, feeling it move easily now. It swung open and everything changed around Julian… 

_ The air was humid and the sky dark, the only light coming from the building not far from the courtyard. The house was pale yellow and humongous, standing out against the dark purple sky. He was sitting on the ground, large rubber ball in his lap as he watch the door patiently. His arms and legs were grey and had scales on them. It was late and his Father had spent a long day at work but he was hoping that they'd get to play when he got back. Leaning over the ball, he rested against it as his eyes grew heavy-- he’d close his eyes for a second while he waited.  _

The world around him shifted again, leaving Julian dizzy and confused. 

_ He was older now, sitting at a table with his family as they enjoyed breakfast. He sat across from his Father and Mother; his Father was reading from a PADD and had a neutral face on while his Mother talked with Grandmother, both smiling and giggling. Kicking his leg out, he hit it against his Father's knee causing the man to look up curiously; his hair was black, face round and he was wearing a military uniform. Smiling widely, he looked into his Father’s warm eyes. _

_ “Yad’, can I go to work with you today?” He pleaded, swinging his legs slightly “I’ll be so quiet you won’t even know I’m there! And- And I’ll be really good!” He bit onto his lip, hoping; it was fun going to work with his Father, he always let him sit on his lap and look at the reports while he was signing them. His Father smiled and leaned an arm against the table, his voice rich and warm. _

_ “You’ll have to ask your Adik if you want to go” He turned his pleading eyes towards his Mother, curling his hands against his clothes. _

_ “Ad’, can I please go? Please, please, pleeaasseee” His Mother must have taken mercy because she also smiled warmly, nodding her head.  _

_ “You can go, so long as you let your Yad’ik do his work.” Joy overwhelmed him and he beamed up at his family before jumping up to get ready. _

He gasped, the feeling of joy still with him before he was thrown in again.

_ He was in his teens, standing close to his Father but he wasn’t quite as tall as him yet and was only a bit taller than his shoulder. They were at a party, important Cardassian military men scattered around the room. His Father stood stock still as a man walked over, who had a confidence that seemed to say he knew everything.  _

_ “Enabran Tain, I wasn’t aware that you would be attending.” The man, Tain, smiled at his Father and crossing his arms behind his back. He was only paying half attention to what was being said and instead looked towards the man that was standing behind Tain. He was young, perhaps only 30, tidy black hair and seemed to looking around the room with suspicion. He only focused back in on the conversation when Tain addressed him. _

_ “And you must be Legate Ghemor’s son,” Tain’s eyes seemed to bore into him, as if he knew everything little about him “A handsome young man if I say, what career do you plan on pursuing?” He felt an embarrassed blush cross over his neck ridges but felt better when his Father pressed a hand against his back. _

_ “My parents were thinking art but I think I might want to go into the Military.” He stated, trying to keep his voice firm. Tain’s lips curled up and the man behind him looked on with disinterest.  _

_ “Marvelous choice.” Tain stated, and everything faded out. _

Julian’s head was pounding and his eyes were watering. He pleaded silently as he grabbed his hair and before the next memory came, his mind helpfully supplied that the man behind Tain had looked like Garak. 

_ He looked up at his parents, a heavy feeling in his chest as he looked at the despair on their faces. His Mother had tears in her eyes and his Father look crestfallen as they stood there looking at him. _

_ “You can't…” His Mother said quietly as she stepped close kneeling in front of him. “We’ll never see you again, you can’t” Her lip trembled slightly “Its-” She took in a shuddering breath “It's not too late to go into art, please.” His eyes stung with unshed tears, mouth opening a second too early before he started speaking. _

_ “I  _ have  _ too, Ad’, Cardassia needs me.” Her head dropped against his knee, tears wetting the clothe there. He turned his head to look up at his Father, throat tightening painfully at how tired he seemed to look in that instant. His Father only closed his eyes, pain crossing his features.  _

Tears streamed down his cheeks, a wail escaping his throat as he lay there curled up. This couldn’t-- It couldn’t be true. These weren't his memories, they can't be because if they were… it’d mean he was a traitor to the Federation. His friends would hate him, abandon him and then Starfleet would imprison him. All of his memories were lies, his parents, his augmentation… he curled his fingers in his hair, pulling on the roots painfully.. When do the lies end, what really happened and what didn't? 

He gasped as he was pulled under again, feeling as if he was drowning. 

_ “Are you ready for the procedure?” The man stood there before him, he now knew the man's name was Entek. “You won’t feel a thing, it’ll be over before you know it.” Entek smiled and moved forwards to put a hand on his shoulder when he saw him hesitate. “It's going to be okay, Juoll, You're making a great sacrifice for Cardassia.” Entek said, stepping away and opening the door behind him. Juoll stood and made his way into the room were a biobed was waiting; Entek spoke as they walked in.  _

_ “We are going to change your appearance to that of a young human male, we'll give you your fake memories and drop you off at Starfleet academy-- your papers have already been sent in and approved.” Juoll got up onto the bed, laying back as anxiousness filled his chest.  _

_ “What will my name be?” He questioned, keeping his voice strong to avoid looking nervous. Entek smiled and pat Juoll’s shoulder.  _

 

_ “Julian Bashir”  _

 

Everything slipped away and Julian was left again, laying on a hard floor in his mind. He shook as he sat there, processing everything he saw. The ones that took him there hit the hardest but he remembered so much more. Julian bit his lip as happiness filled his chest when he thought of Cardassia; how could he? 

He was a traitor to the Federation and Starfleet, a spy in their ranks. What was he going to do? The world spun around him and he closed his eyes, letting everything overtake him. His chest and throat tightened in pain as he laid there. Julian closed his eyes, a few tears ran down his checks while the world around him disappeared. He fell into a fitful sleep, these unsettling events making him feel exhausted.


End file.
